Gender crisis on the way?

I have to comment on this story…

Cambridge News | Latest News Headlines From Cambridge City & Cambridgeshire | National News By Cambridge News | Why I decided to raise my son ‘gender neutral’.

I don’t really care about the hiding his gender stuff. What strikes me is the complete hypocrisy. She says that she doesn’t want to impose or limit her son. Yet, she forces him to wear a girls’ blouse with his school uniform, and forbids what she considers “overly masculine” clothing. Is that not forcing her views (stereotypes) onto him?

How can you not see what he is wearing as "overly girly"?

If you truly want your child to grow up without any stereotypes then perhaps you should first remove your own expectations, and let him truly make the expressive choices; not just the ones you like. If he wants to wear camo, let him. Maybe he would prefer to express his masculinity more often.

Yes, he is your child (crazy lady) but it is HIS life, and you are limiting his potential by trying to “protect” him from stereotypes. If you truly want to avoid any male/female expressionism, you would only dress him in grey and not allow any designs, patterns, or “expressive” things. You would ban flowery clothing just as easily as you have banned camo clothing.

Am I the only one who sees what she is doing as wrong? I understand that she also expresses a dislike for extremely feminine dress-outfits on girls, but she glosses over the overtly feminine things she lets her own son wear (girls’ swimwear for instance) in the name of “neutrality.” She describes him playing with dolls, but doesn’t mention sports or toy cars.

Isn’t she inviting a gender identity crisis later on?

Now. I would be irresponsible to not point out the following…

  1. Kieran is the FATHER. Please do not respond like this is about some “lesbians parenting” thing, it’s not. I have seen more than a few comments on related articles, obviously written by skimmers, that Beck and Kieran are lesbians.
  2. Beck does say that she doesn’t force him to wear girly clothes, only that she doesn’t allow “overtly masculine” clothing.
  3. I completely agree with the quote below, so she’s not totally nuts… Just partly nuts.

    “A friend of mine said the other day: ‘Molly lost her hair clip again,’ and I thought, well, if she’s got some prissy thing she’s got to take care of, and she gets told off if she loses it, then she has to be picky about it – and then she becomes a person who’s slightly prissy and picky. But you’ve made her like that!”

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7 thoughts on “Gender crisis on the way?

  1. Yes I have to agree with you. I really don’t get what those parents were trying to prove. Gender neutrality? Since when are we a gender neutral species?! Surely this child is going to be a target for the bullies? Not to mention his own confusion about why he was raised so differently. I get the point that you’re making; they weren’t even sticking to the gender neutrality they spoke about, but I just think the whole idea of gender neutrality is ridiculous. I don’t like to judge how other people raise their children, but as I say, I just don’t get what their point was.

    • That’s why I had to say something about it. I randomly stumbled on to the article from Facebook of all places, and decided to dig a little deeper. After my initial “Wow, they’re stupid” reaction I found myself getting more angry over the idea that they weren’t even practicing what they preach. I don’t understand what’s wrong with boys being boys and girls being girls either, but parents will do what they will in that regard. the danger here isn’t that he’ll end up gay (like so many of the trollocracy are implying) but that he’ll be far too soft to handle the real pressure of being a man.

      Could you imagine this kid signing up for the British military? They’d never stop hazing him (it still happens even if we choose to deny it) because he would ask why they can’t have purple uniforms with rhinestones. I find this far more disturbing than the boy from that one show about the kids who are far to young to be in pageants… At least his mom doesn’t ban “manly” clothing. Though, I do find a boy participating in “beauty pageants” at 5 years old quite disturbing.

      Wait… No 5 year old should be in a pageant. UGH! What’s this world coming to?

      P.S. (Off-topic, and just felt the need to be honest for a moment)
      I went to your blog a minute ago, and my first reaction… Awesome header picture, and great eyes! Now that I risked looking like a creepo, it’s time to actually see what you write about, lol.

      • Yes, I heard about it on Radio 4, where it was actually the Dad talking about it, and I was really shocked. I’ve always felt that we should embrace our gender differences, it’s part of what makes us interesting. Equal but different. I know I’m probably going a step to far by saying this, but I can’t help having this uncomfortable feeling that suppressing this boy’s gender in that way is almost bordering on child abuse. I’m sure they mean well, and want the best for their son, but I feel they’ve got it very wrong.

      • I agree and disagree at the same time. Forcing him to wear a girly shirt with his uni is definitely borderline IMHO. However, letting him choose isn’t.

        That said, as parents, they should allow free expression WHILE warning him of the social consequences of choosing to do strange things. At least then he has only himself to blame for the bullying, which is a life lesson in itself.

        Perhaps the most mind-boggling aspect of this story is that the father is ok with all of it. I wonder if maybe he just goes along with it to prevent fights at home.

  2. Ooh look, the nesting number didn’t allow me to reply directly, but this is still a continuation! Firstly, just to say, I didn’t notice the PS on your first reply, I wasn’t being ungracious, so thank you!

    Yes I agree about letting him choose, I have no problem with anyone wishing to present as whatever gender they choose (or feel they are) once they are old enough. On the radio, they asked the father how other family members felt about it, and I can’t remember his exact words but they were along the lines of everyone being completely fine about it all, which I do find hard to believe.

    • No apology required, I didn’t think you were being ungracious. I added it in a post-edit about a min after I had already posted the comment, so I figured you missed it.

      Yes, I can’t imagine the rest of the family is good with this either. If they act like they are, it’s only to his face. Most people don’t posses the same kind of verbal brutality and penchant for truth that Simon Cowell, Gordon Ramsay, and people like myself have. So their ability to be honest to family and friends is hindered by their greater desire/ability to be polite. He might be surprised to find out what others have heard his family say on the subject.

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